It’s been raining cats and dogs the last couple of days in my home town. Being a coastal town, we are used to hot and humid weather. But the last one week or so, we have experienced weather changes like I have never seen before. At least not in the recent years. Flooding has been reported all over the media in some residential areas and sadly there has been some loss of lives as a result of these heavy rains. It has been a dull, cold and wet situation. But am not writing about the weather.
So today, am sitting in my office, with my laptop open just staring at it as if waiting for some command from the virtual world on how to carry on with my day. My hot black coffee is right by my desk, untouched. The weather is cold and cloudy. It’s threatening to rain heavily. I need to keep warm. I know I should take a sip of my coffee. But for some strange reason, I dont bring myself to. Needless to say, I love coffee. I love it rich, strong, black and sugarless. Not today though, I don’t feel like coffee. So, I power my laptop and on comes my daughters picture. Saved on my desk top as my wall paper. Here she is a day old. I stare at the picture longer than I should have. On any usual day, I barely see the picture. I usually power the laptop and off I go straight to work. Not today. Today I just want to stare at this beautiful tiny image.
She’s one day old. She looks so peaceful. Her skin is pink in colour, her cheeks are round. She is asleep. Wrapped in flowered blue and white baby shawl. She is carefully wrapped that the only thing visible is her face. Two tinny puffy eyes, a pink nose and a small mouth and bright pink cheeks. She looks like an angel. I remember this day, she lies in one of those glass hospital baby cots. I take a moment and just savour the picture.
Am starting at this picture with lots of pride and love. Am thinking to myself my baby girl is growing up real fast. Very fast. Too fast, I say to myself. Today, she’s 4 going 24. Soon she will be out of the house and on her own. I straighten my back and reminisce of our journey together. I realise with a sense of pride and an almost sad feeling that I will miss her toddlership, so to speak. I will miss the sideshows, the tantrums, the dramas, the playtime, the tears, the laughter, I will definitely miss everything that this little person did. Then again, I may not miss it as much because I will probably be dealing with the joys and pains of her next growth stage.
I say to myself, there are certain things that I will definitely miss. Obviously.
According to my LO I should be available to her at anytime that she needs me. To her it doesn’t matter what am doing or where I am. She thinks it’s her birth right to be attended to by her mom whenever, wherever she wants. Well, it is her birth right. Sort off. Sometimes we moms must draw the line in meeting our kids demands and say no to some of what they ask. She has a stand though, and that is to have her mommy’s attention when she demands it.
I will miss her interruption of my shower moments. Like the other day, I was in the bathroom, after a long day at work, enjoying my warm shower, happily singing off tune to songs I barely knew, while breaking into some funny dance, then, baam! Am rudely interrupted by a toddler! Abruptly she flags the bathroom door open, just to show me her homework. “Mom, look what I did today!” She said excitedly. I had soap on my face. I could not open my eyes. I was butt naked. But she doesn’t seem startled. “Mom you are not looking!” I will definitely miss these moments.
This other time I am doing my business in the loo and she bangs open the door, extending her crackle packet. “Mom, open for me please.” I gently tell her I will do so as soon as I finish and I have washed my hands could she please go and close the door behind her? With determination in her eyes she says, “I will wait for you.” Thinking she will leave, she didn’t. Nothing can move a determined toddler. So, I finish my business as she waits patiently, right there before me.
It was then that I decided that was enough of banging bathroom doors. So, one time I locked myself from the inside. A mom needs some privacy. These toddler bang-ins will not hold anymore. So, this time am in the bathroom and she bangs the door open, as usual. Only it didn’t open. Then she starts the endless knocking, the pounding. “Mom, open the door. I want to tell you something.” “Mom, I want to talk to you,” making it sound like an emergency, “Now!” Clearly she doesn’t understand the meaning of privacy.
I will miss all those bathroom moments. The privacy that I never had. I will miss the audience that I had during what should have been the most crucial alone moment. I will miss the door bangs. I will miss the cries at the door simply because I refused to open. I will miss it all.
Then again, because they grow so fast, I dont want to project my thoughts and fears to the future. I want to enjoy my daughter now. I purpose as her mom to be available to her in all possible ways to me. This is the time I believe is very crucial in bonding with our kids. At this stage when they are young and in learning stage. The best gift as a mom I can give my child is my time. Be available.
I inhaled deeply. Then I opened some program on my laptop to get to work with renewed strength to be the best mama I can be for my daughter. I took the first sip of my coffee. It’s pure niceness. Exactly how I love it. I took another long sip and I deliberately let my lips linger a little bit longer on the brim of my cup as I took in the strong aroma. I closed my eyes for a few seconds. I listened to the soft sound of rain as it begun to pour. I took another long slow sip. Heavenly.